i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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