He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
