So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
