My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
