I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
