careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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