I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
