I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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