i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
