Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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