hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
