May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
