She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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