happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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