i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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