I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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