Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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