You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
