If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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