Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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