Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
