hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
