Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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