Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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