I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
