I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
