This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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