exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
