i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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