i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
