if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
