either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
