you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
