Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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