sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
try to milk me bitch
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