Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
