Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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