I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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