Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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