i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Randomize
