i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Even my vagina gasped.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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