They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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