youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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