He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
