I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
