tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
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True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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