I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
