Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
