so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
