Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
