wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
