Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
