We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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