Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
