wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
