did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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