he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
