she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
