how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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