a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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