Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
NoShamevember. You game?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
