my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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