He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
