actually, I'm a sock model
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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