Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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