So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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