once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
