2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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