hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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