i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
