he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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