so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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