escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
