Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
