I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
